How did I get here ?

So I'm only writing this assuming that no one's ever gonna read it and if someone found this somehow , well ,let's just say ,u have been warned buddy .I have started this just to let go off my life somewhere and I was tired of just keeping those notes in secret so here I am .This might also just be a one-time thing so that's it ,I guess.

So HOW DID I GET HERE?….I wasn't always like this .I used to be such a bright kid growing up always being excited and looking forward to everyday .But ,nowadays ,I wish I was excited about waking up .I wish that I didn't wish everyday that it would just be better if I stopped existing .And don't get me wrong ,nothing too terrible or traumatizing has happened in my life ,though there are a few things that broke me and still make me wonder if I ever deserved them .Though I have kinda a normal life ,I'm not happy about it .I don't see any purpose in living. Life is just a series of events that you're supposed to go thorough until you die .People always say that anything's possible and that you can always choose a life that you love ,but what if I don't love anything in particular to make that my whole life?…What if I'm just tired of the idea that I'm always supposed to work for something and once that's done ,I have to start working for the next thing again .Why can't I just be okay with doing nothing for awhile?…Why does life always feel like a grocery list that has to be checked off every now and then since that's what society expects of us?…Why can't we ever just be happy?…I know people always say that happiness is something you create ,but sometimes ,you just have to accept that shit happens and though you try to create happiness ,you're gonna end up disappointed. “You gotta keep trying ” ,that's what they say but I'm done trying.

So again ,HOW DID I END UP HERE?…well ,i don't know buddy or maybe I do ,but I'm just in denial right now.We'll find out about that as we go on,that is,if we do go on.